ESFJ – INFP Relationships: The So Syncd Sisters

We explore the ESFJ and INFP relationship with Jessica and Louella Alderson, the sisters who co-founded So Syncd, the personality type dating app. Jessica (INFP) is 30 and Louella (ESFJ) is 26.

In this interview, Jessica and Louella talk about their relationship as sisters, their passion for Buffy the Vampire Slayer and the personality types they’ve dated over the years.

The ESFJ & INFP relationship

The sisters first met when Jessica was three and a half and Lou was minutes old. Jessica remembers being really excited at being told she had a new baby sister but then felt quite deflated when she saw her. “I was a bit disappointed because you looked like an alien,” says Jessica. “I told my grandparents when they asked me what you were like that you were ‘no oil painting’.” Louella totally agrees. “It is fair to say that I wasn’t a cute baby.” 

16 personality types

Jessica and Louella are almost the polar opposite personality types. When working out what they have in common Louella says: “Umm, our surname…and we both like Buffy The Vampire Slayer.” Jessica manages to throw in that they are both loyal and trustworthy friends too, which is typical for both INFPs and ESFJs. 

They have a bit more luck when it comes to differences. “You are the funny one and I’m not,” admits Jessica.  “But you got most of the smart genes,” adds Louella for balance.

They are almost the extremes of their personality types. “I am very extroverted and you are very introverted,” says Louella. “As an ESFJ I love hosting dinner parties and always want to be around people.” However, she adds that Jessica is very happy being by herself. “It’s not that I don’t love a good party,” explains Jessica. “I just don’t need to see friends every night of the week.”

When it comes to day-to-day existence, they also have a totally different approach. “You are truly amazing at being impractical.” Says Louella of her sister. “Yup, I’ll take that one,” says Jessica, which is fitting given she is an INFP. 

Jessica once got a plumber in to her London flat to unblock her sink and was full of dirty water…only for him to discover it was blocked because she had not removed the plug. Yes, that is how impractical Jessica is. For real.

Sisters often bicker over who is nicer than the other but these two seem to be completely upfront about it. “You are more thoughtful,” Jessica tells Louella. “But I am more empathetic about the bigger things.” Louella can’t argue with that. “I think I am definitely meaner than you.”

Despite an INFP – ESFJ pair not being the most natural personality match and the fact that Jess and Lou are very different, the sisters are incredibly close. Their better understanding of their strengths and weaknesses has come about by creating the personality type dating app So Syncd. You can discover your own personality type by taking our free five-minute personality test.

ESFJ – INFP relationship

They are pretty honest with each other when it comes to talking about past and present boyfriends too.

When it comes to marriage, the subject is one of Louella’s major topics of conversation. She has been in a three-year relationship with an ISTP, which is her perfect personality type match on So Syncd. They would be 100% compatible. “Talking about weddings is my favourite pastime,” admits Louella while Jessica explains that she’s not sure if she wants to get married. 

Louella is much more of a “boyfriend person” so has actually dated less.  Most of her relationships start as “friends with benefits”. However, Jessica has, over the last few years, dated every one of the 16 personality types and it has made her even more sure of the importance of personality type compatibility.  

“The least successful date was with an ISTJ,” says Jessica. “It was brief and we had very little in common.”

Jessica is most attracted to ENTJs and INTJs. “I find the way they think really sexy, they are so strategic and smart,” she admits. The ENTJ – INFP relationship would be a perfect personality pairing.

When it comes to communicating what they really appreciate about each other, typically for sisters there is a bit of banter. “I like that I can watch Buffy with you and trolling you doing weird things. Your Tik Tok dancing gives me great Instagram content,” jokes Louella. “And as a colleague I love how determined you are and how you will succeed.”

Jessica appreciates how loyal and trustworthy her sister is. “I would trust you with my life,” says Jessica. “And as a colleague I just love how you get shit done. You just blitz through to-do lists.”

Sisterly challenges

There are challenges when it comes to sisters working together and, well, just being sisters. “As a sister you have a complete lack of boundaries Jessica,” says Louella. “You simply have none.” Jessica constantly wandered in to Louella’s room during lockdown at their parents’ house even when Louella’s boyfriend Charles was stark naked. “And as a colleague, still, your lack of boundaries,” says Louella again.

On the other hand, Jessica finds Louella’s defensiveness tricky. “You can one minute be totally fine and then you hit this tipping point and you can’t be reasoned with,” explains Jessica.

Louella tends to be attracted to sensors (the ‘S’ of the personality types) and also works best with introverts (the ‘I’ of the personality types). “I love the way they keep me grounded,” says this very definite ESFJ. Louella is not a fan of hypothetical questions and dissectors of conversations while Jessica is not. “I love a good abstract conversation,” says Jessica. 

The future

The great thing about creating a dating app that explores personality types and compatibility is that the sisters have learnt so much more about how they can work together…without wanting to kill each other.

They are excited about expanding their app to help even more people find their soulmates. They now hear constantly get feedback from loved-up app users thanking them for helping them find the love of their lives. “There is honestly nothing we love more than hearing success stories. We get quite emotional about them,” says Jessica. 

Louella, initially sceptical about the 16 personalities framework, believes that So Syncd will revolutionize the dating landscape. “Why waste time on bad dates and leave love to chance when you can find your soulmate with the help of So Syncd,” says Louella.

How to write your own love story

The ESFJ – INFP relationship is an unusual one in a romantic sense, however, it’s a great combination for running a business together.

Jess also interviewed Lou and her long-term partner to dig deeper into their relationship dynamics. Lou and Charles are an ESFJ – ISTP golden pair.

Sign up to So Syncd, the personality type dating app, for free today to find your perfect personality match and write your own love story. 

You can listen to the full episode of our podcast on Personality Love Lab, Spotify and Apple Podcasts.