Is Sexting Cheating?

Sexting, the act of sending sexually explicit messages or images, has become increasingly popular in today’s digital age. It doesn’t involve physical contact, but there is clearly a certain kind of intimacy involved. This can lead to the question: is sexting cheating?

For the majority of couples, yes, sexting is considered cheating. It involves a type and level of intimacy that is typically reserved for a romantic relationship. The act of sexting involves sharing intimate thoughts and desires with someone outside of the relationship.

That said, there are some nuances that should be considered when determining if sexting is cheating. To an extent, cheating is subjective and depends on the specific agreements within a relationship. In this article, we delve into these nuances.

Five questions to help you answer: is sexting cheating?

Before we can determine if sexting is considered cheating, we must first define what cheating means. Cheating is the act of being unfaithful to a committed relationship, physically or emotionally. Some people believe that cheating is only defined by physical acts with someone outside of the relationship, but this is too simplistic. There are better criteria to consider to determine if sexting is cheating.

Here are five questions to ask yourself to help you determine if sexting is considered cheating in your relationship.

1. Does this behavior violate the trust and boundaries within your relationship?

This question strikes at the core of the issue by focusing on trust, which is the foundation of any healthy relationship. Trust is built on the belief that your partner will respect the boundaries you’ve established and act in ways that are aligned with both of your values. Some boundaries are explicit, and others are implicit.

The reality is that you can’t run through every single potential scenario that might arise and lay out boundaries for each one. This is why there can be ambiguity when it comes to defining “cheating,” and you may need to consider other questions on this list to help you come to a conclusion. However, if you and your partner have had explicit conversations about sexting and agreed that it’s a violation of your trust and boundaries, then sexting would definitely be considered cheating.

2. Would you feel comfortable if your partner knew about it?

Secrecy is a major factor when determining whether something is considered cheating. If you feel like you have to hide what you’re doing from your partner, then it’s a clear sign that what you’re doing is not okay within the context of your relationship. It indicates that you know your partner wouldn’t approve. Imagine if they saw the messages or photos: would you feel guilty, ashamed, or embarrassed? If so, then it’s likely that you know deep down that sexting isn’t right outside of your relationship.

3. How would you feel if your partner was doing the same thing?

Another helpful question to consider is how you would feel if the tables were turned. If your partner was the one sexting someone else, would you consider it cheating? In most relationships, the same rules apply to both parties. Double standards aren’t healthy. “Treat others as you would like to be treated” applies here, as it does in many other aspects of life.

Take an honest look at your own thoughts and feelings. Imagine the opposite scenario than in the question above and think about how you would feel if you came across explicit messages or photos from your partner to someone else. Would you feel betrayed? Angry? Hurt? If the answer is yes, then it says a lot. That said, no two people have exactly the same values, so this question alone isn’t enough to determine if sexting is cheating for you. Just because you are or aren’t okay with something, it doesn’t necessarily mean your partner feels the same way. But the answer to this question can be a helpful piece of the puzzle.

4. Would this action violate the social norms of your culture?

Implicit relationship boundaries are also influenced by the norms and values of society. As we have discussed, it isn’t possible to explicitly lay out clear boundaries for every single scenario, so we rely on implicit boundaries to fill in the gaps. A lot of these gaps are filled with societal expectations. Communication is essential, too, but these norms serve as a kind of baseline. If you differ from this baseline, the necessity to have a conversation increases.

Think about your culture’s expectations and values around relationships. Would sexting be considered cheating within those norms? This question can help you determine if sexting would be considered cheating in the eyes of society. While we shouldn’t blindly follow social norms, especially if they don’t align with our personal values, they can help us understand where the lines are typically drawn in a relationship. Social norms aren’t all bad; they can serve as a helpful reference point for determining what is appropriate behavior.

5. Do you feel the need to justify your actions?

Lastly, you should consider if you feel the need to justify your behavior. If you find yourself making excuses or rationalizing why sexting isn’t cheating, then it indicates that deep down, you know it is. The need to justify your actions is often rooted in guilt and shame, which are emotions typically associated with doing something wrong.

Final thoughts on: is sexting cheating?

Ultimately, the answer to this question will vary from relationship to relationship. As we mentioned at the start, in most modern-day Western societies, sexting is generally considered cheating. If there is any ambiguity, it’s best to have a conversation with your partner about what is and isn’t acceptable behavior in your relationship. And you should have that conversation before the fact rather than after.

It’s important to acknowledge that boundaries can change over time. What was okay at the start of a relationship may not be okay later on, and vice versa. For example, if you and your partner decide that sexting isn’t considered cheating, but you start to feel uncomfortable with it, then it’s important to communicate your feelings and revisit the boundaries you have set. What you feel at one moment in time may not be the same in the future, and that’s okay.

At the end of the day, trust and respect are essential components of any healthy relationship. If your actions have the potential to cause harm to your partner and the trust in your relationship, it can have serious consequences. It may cause the breakdown of the entire relationship, and that isn’t an unreasonable outcome.

It’s hard to rebuild trust after it has been broken. Once someone has seen that you are capable of crossing boundaries, they may always have doubts about your actions and intentions. Some people would prefer to start afresh after a betrayal. So think carefully before you decide to engage in any behavior that could potentially harm your relationship. Empathy and communication are key when it comes to situations like this.