Why Do Situation Breakups Hurt So Much?
Today, we’re going to look at why situationship breakups hurt so much. First, let’s look at what a situationship really is. Situationships are a phenomenon that have become increasingly prevalent in today’s world of dating. They are essentially undefined relationships that don’t have a label and don’t involve real commitment. At their best, situationships can be a source of companionship, human connection, and great sex. At their worst, they can be full of ambiguity, uncertainty, and mixed signals.
Today, we’re going to look at why situationship breakups hurt so much. First, let’s look at what a situationship really is. Situationships are a phenomenon that have become increasingly prevalent in today’s world of dating. They are essentially undefined relationships that don’t have a label and don’t involve real commitment. At their best, situationships can be a source of companionship, human connection, and great sex. At their worst, they can be full of ambiguity, uncertainty, and mixed signals.
As you probably know already, situationships can be complicated, and it’s important to tread with caution. While it’s not impossible for situationships to turn into committed relationships, it is uncommon. When situationship breakups do happen, they can be deeply distressing.
In fact, according to a survey, 50% of people found their situationship breakup equally or more painful than the ending of a long-term, committed relationship. It might sound counterintuitive, but there are some sound reasons why this can be the case.
So, let’s take a look at seven reasons why situationship breakups hurt so much.
1. Situationships are inherently ambiguous
Firstly, situationships often involve a lack of clear boundaries, commitment, and labels, making it difficult to know where you stand. This ambiguity can mean that you don’t always get a real sense of closure or go through a definitiive breakup, and this in itself can make it harder to move on.
When a situationship breakup occurs, this ambiguity can leave you questioning the validity of your feelings and the significance of the relationship. Without labels, it can be harder to understand the role the other person played in your life and how to categorize the end of the relationship. You might ask yourself whether you should be upset. But these thought processes can diminish your feelings and hurt rather than help.
2. The breakup can feel premature
In long-term relationship breakups, there is a more definitive beginning, middle, and end. This structure helps both parties feel like the relationship played out. Even if it wasn’t a fairytale ending, both partners can find closure knowing that each chapter of the relationship was fully experienced. This sense of completion can help people move on, whereas situationship breakups can feel premature.
When you go through a situationship breakup, it can feel like it’s over before it has really begun. It can feel almost “unfair” because they didn’t really give you a chance. What might have happened if they had taken the time to get to know you? Essentially, it can leave you with a sense of unfinished business.
3. You can get caught in a “what if” cycle
Situationships involve emotional intimacy and attachment without the level of commitment that typically accompanies a defined relationship. This means they can be confusing to navigate. As a result, it’s more common to overthink or regret certain decisions in situationships.
It’s easy to ruminate on what might have happened if you’d set clear boundaries sooner or if you’d been honest about your feelings earlier. You might dwell on what would have happened if you’d spent more time together. These “what if” thoughts can make it difficult to move forward because they keep you in a loop of replaying the past. Again, this comes back to a lack of true closure.
4. You may not receive the same level of support
Another reason why situationship breakups can be so difficult to deal with is that friends and family might not recognize the emotional significance of the breakup. The unclear nature of situationships can make it difficult to articulate the depth of the connection and the impact of its end. Others may perceive the breakup as less serious, even if it meant a lot to you. They may see it as a casual fling rather than a meaningful connection. This can lead to feelings of isolation and make the healing process more difficult.
With long-term relationship breakups, the societal script is more straightforward. There’s an expectation that such breakups are painful and warrant emotional support. People often rally around someone who has ended a long-term relationship, offering a shoulder to cry on, advice, and even practical help. The rituals of mourning a breakup—like talking about it with friends, engaging in self-care activities, and possibly seeking professional counseling—are well understood and accepted. But the end of a situationship might not trigger the same response from your social circle, even if you greatly valued that connection.
5. A label doesn’t define the depth of emotions
The pain of a breakup depends on several factors, including how much you invested in that person, the strength of your connection, and the extent to which you imagined a future with them. It isn’t dependent on whether your relationship had a label or not. If you envisioned long-term plans, dreamt about shared goals, or mentally included the person in your future life, the dissolution of those dreams can be heartbreaking. The loss isn’t just of the present connection but also of the anticipated future together.
Emotional intimacy isn’t dependent on formal titles. Not all situationships are purely physical. You might have shared personal stories, supported each other through difficult times, and developed a deep understanding of each other. You might have shared cute, cozy moments and inside jokes. This can all contribute to a strong sense of attachment, making the end of the situationship deeply painful regardless of whether you used a specific term to define your connection or not. Our hearts don’t respond to labels—there’s much more to it than that. So remember that your feelings are in no way less valid just because you weren’t officially a couple.
6. Situationships can negatively impact your self-esteem
While it’s certainly possible to have balanced, fulfilling situationships where both partners are on the same page, you often see unbalanced situationships where one person is yearning for more. When you continually invest in a relationship that doesn’t meet your needs, it can erode your self-confidence and self-worth. You might start questioning your value, wondering why the other person isn’t willing to commit or why you aren’t enough for them to take the next step.
If you’ve been accepting breadcrumbs for months, you can start to internalize a sense of unworthiness, believing that this is all you deserve. This can make a situationship breakup feel even scarier because you can end up questioning what you are worth to other future potential partners.
7. You can question your judgment
When an unbalanced situationship ends, the invested partner might grapple with the cognitive dissonance of having deep feelings for someone who didn’t reciprocate with the same level of commitment. This can make you question your own judgment.
It can be scary to question your past decisions because it can shake the foundation of your trust in yourself and your confidence to navigate situations. Recognizing that you misjudged the relationship can make you wary of your ability to make sound decisions in the future, fostering a sense of insecurity and self-doubt.
Advice for situationship breakups
At the end of the day, you should treat a situationship breakup the same as any other breakup. Acknowledge and accept your emotions. Allow yourself to feel sad, angry, or whatever feelings come up for you. Give yourself permission to grieve the loss of the connection and, as we just discussed, know that just because you weren’t official, it doesn’t make your emotions any less valid.
If staying in contact with your situationship ex is making it difficult to move on, set boundaries to protect yourself. This may mean limiting contact or cutting off communication altogether. It can also be wise to mute or unfollow them on social media to avoid seeing their posts.
Take care of yourself physically and mentally. Get enough sleep, eat healthily, and exercise regularly. Engage in activities that bring you joy and peace, such as seeing friends, going for a walk, or listening to music. One of the best steps you can take after a situationship breakup of any kind is to focus on personal growth because it’s empowering and will make you feel as if you are moving forward in a positive direction.
Lastly, don’t be afraid to reach out for help if you need it. It can be comforting to talk through your feelings with a trusted friend or family member—this can help you process your emotions and gain perspective. If you find that you’re unable to move on and your emotions are interfering with your daily life, consider seeking professional help. Qualified therapists can help you work through your feelings and develop coping strategies to move forward.
Final thoughts on situationship breakups
Anyway, we hope this has shed some light on why situationship breakups can hurt so much. If you’re going through one right now, we’re sending support your way. Remember, healing isn’t a race. It will be painful at times, but you will come out the other side stronger and wiser. Take it one day at a time, be gentle with yourself, and trust that brighter days are ahead. We’re behind you all the way.
