ENFP – INTJ Relationships: The Long-Distance Love Story

This week we explore an ENFP – INTJ relationship with Disha and Arun from the UK. Disha, an ENFP who is 30, and Arun, an INTJ who is also 30, met on a dating app nearly four years ago and recently got married. They are a golden personality pair on So Syncd as their personalities are…well, so syncd. In this interview, they talk about being in a relationship while living on opposite sides of the world, borrowing a dog for the day and their very different personalities.

How the ENFP – INTJ relationship started

“If you go on enough bad dates on Tinder and then eventually you go on one decent one, you then think it’s absolutely amazing,” laughs Disha. “Which is basically what happened to me and Arun.”

Disha started messaging him after a depressing family Christmas dinner where there was a lot of talk about her singledom. She signed up that evening and swiped right on Arun who was very funny in their online chats. “I was quite excited to meet him,” says Disha. “I met him on New Year’s Day and we went on a really fun date. And it all went from there.”

Arun remembers it quite differently. “I think I was quite bored with Tinder by this point, so I think I spent most of my time winding her up,” says Arun.

He actually started trolling Disha quite early on, which Disha suspected was his strategy.

“I’d make really bad puns to anything she’d say,” explains Arun.

 Luckily, she found it funny although some of her girlfriends were less than impressed.

“I remember saying to them, ‘This guy is hilarious’ and other people were like, ‘Really? He seems kind of dodgy’,” says Disha. “You know how some people are great over text and terrible in person? He was so good over text, I decided if I met him and he was terrible, I would delete the dating app forever.”

Arun’s lighthearted and jokey responses entertained Disha at first (he admits that lots of the puns were really bad) and then he dialed it back a bit.

The ENFP – INTJ first date

For their first date Disha picked Bounce, a ping-pong hall in east London.

“I strategically chose it for 4pm on a Saturday, which is when I used to meet all my dates,” says Disha. “If it’s going really badly, you can still exit and maintain a good Saturday night. And if it’s going well, then you can progress on to dinner. Arun thought it was a really weird time to meet.”

The date did not get off to a flying start. Despite Disha being an ENFP, known as the Enthusiast, her first impressions of Arun were less than impressive.

“He was super shy and quite self-deprecating,” says Disha. “Then we played one round of table tennis and I won and he turned into this hyper-competitive, much more extraverted person.”

It is safe to say that Arun does not like to be beaten at table tennis. “I didn’t realize at first that she was actually alright at table tennis. She’d been practicing for months,” he explains. “So I got quite competitive and then I took it very seriously.”

Disha remembers Arun became much more open and confident.  “I did win every other game afterwards…I got really loud,” laughs Arun. The ping pong afternoon then turned in to dinner followed by game-playing in a pub.

Falling in love

“I think from then I knew,” says Disha. ENFPs tend to dive head-first into love. When they know, they know.

Arun claims it took him a bit longer to realize that they were destined to be together.

“It was really dark in Bounce, so I couldn’t really make her out initially and then she beat me at table tennis. That was the thing that got me going,” he says honestly.

Disha remembers him being far keener than he likes to make out. “Arun is really dialing that down because he then sent me a text message the next day saying: ‘Would you like to come to my house for dinner? I’m free any night this week.’ I was like, ‘This guy is so into me!’” says Disha.  This non-game playing when it comes to dating is particularly evident in Arun as an INTJ.

The ENFP – INTJ relationship spark

Disha and Arun thrive off banter and the reasons for the initial attraction don’t escape this backchat when asked what attracted them most to each other.

“What attracted me to Arun’s profile was that he had a five-star Uber rating,” says Disha.

“Yeah, which as soon as you started using my Uber went down to four [stars],” retorts Arun.

“I sent him a text asking, ‘Five-star Uber rating…how!?” says Disha.

“I’ll tell you how,” says Arun. “I don’t sit in the car and insist on playing my gangster rap at maximum volume.”

There mutual love of board games also played a big part.

“Arun was very good at board games,” says Disha. “I was like, ‘Maybe he’s a smart guy.’”

Likewise, Arun partly swiped right on Disha because she had said how much she loved board games in her dating profile. He also loved that she ran with his riffing on bad puns.

“Whenever I said a bad pun, you didn’t do what everyone else did, which was block me. You kept going,” says Arun. It’s always a good start to a relationship; not blocking someone.

To which Disha replies: “I didn’t block him so now we’re getting married!”

Making it official

Arun, being an INTJ strategist, is not one to date casually and says that when Disha booked them both flights to see her family in Dublin on Valentines Day, 6 weeks after they first met, he knew that their ENFP – INTJ relationship had reached the next level: they were officially a couple.

For Disha, as an ENFP enthusiast, she got to that point on the second date. “It was when Arun texted me for a second date saying, ‘I’m free any night this week.’ And I was like, ‘I think I’m probably going to end up in a relationship with this guy.’”

One of Arun’s huge attractions for Disha is that there is no nonsense chat. What he says is what you get. Although, this straightforwardness, as Disha has discovered, which is typical of INTJs, is not always super romantic.

16 personality types

Disha discovered her personality type in work several years ago. “When I read my type description I thought: this is literally me in a nutshell.’ It made me think it’s super accurate and I really bought into it.”

Arun did some psychometric tests at work several years ago, but he says he would have guessed his type anyway by going through each of the binary options.

“How very INTJ of you!” jokes Disha.

They agree that they bounce off each other’s differences, which is why they are considered a golden couple on So Syncd. ENFP – INTJ relationships are one of a kind.

Complementary ENFP – INTJ personality types

Arun, being an introvert, believes that if Disha was not around, he would happily watch TV and do nothing else. “Disha makes me do more stuff. And I try to control her doing too much, so there is balance,” says Arun.

Despite the obvious differences, the main glue that holds them together is that their values are aligned and they have a real understanding of how they communicate their love for each other.

“I definitely need a lot of praise,” says Disha, which is very typical of an ENFP. Arun has to make a real effort to give Disha that positive reinforcement as, being an INTJ, it is not something that he needs to feel loved.

ENFP – INTJ wedding planning

Arun and Disha are both keen on current affairs so they enjoy discussing issues that are in the news. They challenge each other’s views and Arun loves to play devil’s advocate.

They have been spending a lot of time planning their wedding (which happened in July 2020) and their future together too.

“I’m turning 30 as well, so I’m really reflective about what do I want from the next 10 years of my life,” says Disha.

They know they are a good balancing act as far as their relationship goes though.

Arun believes he would happily live in his shell if Disha was not pushing him out of his comfort zone and Disha appreciates Arun’s great sense of humor and the way he can always make her laugh.

They clearly have a lot of fun together and a lot of banter. However, if Disha had to pinpoint one thing she might change about Arun it would be to make him more adventurous.  Arun, on the other hand, feels Disha takes on too much and he often has to reel her back in.

“Noted,” says Disha. “This is because I want to get a dog and Arun doesn’t want to get a dog!”

ENFP – INTJ relationship challenges

The biggest test of their relationship so far though is living on opposite sides of the world for 18 months, not long after getting together. They describe it as one of their major challenges.

“We met in January, you left in September and it was only meant to be for six months and it ended up being a year and a half,” says Arun of Disha’s move to Sydney with her job.

“There has to be a lot of trust if you want to keep a long-distance relationship going, because obviously you have no idea what the other person is up to or what they are doing all the time,” says Disha. “You just have to have faith in your relationship.”

ENFP – INTJ personality differences

Despite the ENFP – INTJ relationship working well in a lot of ways, their very different personalities can be challenging. “We have both learned to compromise and reach a middle ground,” says Disha.

Disha feels Arun’s strength in their relationship is being very good with forward planning in terms of finances. “I think you’re very good at that. I think you’re also very thoughtful,” says Disha.  “Arun is always there if something goes wrong and he’s very reliable, I’d say that’s one of your key strengths.”

“Do you want to make me sound any more boring!?” Arun jokes.

Arun believes that one of Disha’s most prominent strengths is her ability to always be fun, happy and keep the mood up. “Disha is always an optimist,” says Arun. ENFPs are known for having an optimistic nature.

The future of the ENFP – INTJ relationship

In terms of future plans, Disha is excited about starting a family…which turns out to be news to Arun!

“It’s not something we are going to do in the immediate future, but I almost see it as thinking to the next 10 years,” explains Disha. “I’m looking forward to building our future and, not in terms of a family necessarily, but building our careers together and taking the next step. I think everything I’ve done in my twenties has been very focused on me and it’s quite nice to think I’d be contributing to your successes and yours to mine.” They truly are a personality power couple if there ever was one.

How to write your own love story

Sign up to So Syncd, the personality type dating app, for free today to find your perfect personality match and write your own love story.

You can listen to the full episode of our podcast on Personality Love Lab, Spotify and Apple Podcasts.

You can also read more of our real life love stories. We spoke to an ISTP – ISFJ couple who live in Cornwall, England. They talk about love at first sight, being the first married gay couple in Cornwall and their contrasting strengths in their relationships.